The Illiterate Scribe

2011 Review

matthewcook — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:47:11 +0000

I got nothing for you this morning, friends. So here’s my favourite posts from 2011:

Innocence Lost – April 18. Talking about my favourite painting.
Cleaning House – April 21. A short story about a man and his idiot children.
The Sodomite – May 26. Another short story.
Pakistani Picture Parade – June 3. A gallery of old Pakistan photos my wife found buried in her things.
From Dark to Grey – June 12. Thoughts on tea and the cycle of emotions.
Advice for Matt Going to Pakistan – July 4. A list of travel advice I gave myself before a trip.
Thoughts on a Cup of Tea – August 16. There may not be a wrong way to drink tea, but there is a better way.
A Letter I Got This Weekend – November 28. A letter from an old enemy.
The Solace of the Solstice – December 26. The darkest and most hopeful time of year.

Maybe I Can’t

matthewcook — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:23:43 +0000

Maybe I never will.

Maybe my dreams will be stillborn. Maybe I’ll be a wage-slave for the rest of my life.

Maybe all the shiny, happy things that dance in my head will stay in my head and never come out. Maybe all the naysayers are right. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m not smart enough.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t try.

It’s hard. But I refuse to utter that God-damned word – can’t.

Because can’t, like death, is so final. But life, like try is so full of possibilites. So full of hope.

So there, naysayers. So there, thou fel voices in my head. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’ll point your fingers at me in twenty years and laugh and say ‘Told you so! Told you so!’

But when you do, I’ll smile back and say ‘I’m still alive, silly. Point your fingers at me once I am dead, because I’ve not given up yet!’

On Vegetarianism

matthewcook — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:00:14 +0000

I’ve been a vegetarian for nine months. Last night my son declared himself to be a vegetarian, too, while eating a plate of shepherd’s pie. I pointed out that the beef he was eating was dead cow and, therefore, not vegetarian. He frowned, looked me in the eye and said “Why did you give it to me, then?” He’s decided to try vegetarianism out, and I couldn’t be more excited. I don’t actually believe he will stick with it, he’s only six after all, but I love that he’s thinking about these things.

There are many reasons I’ve chosen to live meat-free. In the end, it’s a personal choice and matter of conscience. Here’s a few thoughts that led me in this direction:

The millions who are starving. The amazing inefficiency of producing animal flesh for food is what made me think about vegetarianism in the first place. Never before have humans consumed so much meat. Most of us say that a meal isn’t a meal without meat, and that sentiment is unprecedented in human history. It’s a bit ironic for me, because I grew up in a church where I was told global hunger was caused by Hindus who sinfully refused to eat cows (seriously, I was told this!). Meanwhile, it takes about sixteen pounds of grain to produce one pound of meat. Most of the earth’s farmland is devoted to producing meat. A global shift away from meat would drive food prices down world-wide and be another blow against world hunger.
The cause of non-violence. I am against violence in all forms. Factory farms, where the cast majority of our meat comes from (including organic meat) are sinfully violent. The cows, pigs and chickens are treated in ways that would be illegal if they were cats. I may not think that animals have the divine spark of godhood that humans have, but they are still living creatures like us and I cannot justify causing them to suffer for the sake of my appetite. I abstain for the sake of Jesus’ Path of Peace.
My health and well-being. Since removing meat from my diet, I’ve never felt so good. It’s had positive effects on my body, energy and emotional well-being. Even if I did not care about starving people or suffering animals, I would still consider vegetarianism for the benefits I am getting from it.
The environment. The UN has issued a report citing animal agricultural as having an effect on the environment nearly on par with the consumption of fossil fuels. And if you know anything about fossil fuels, you know that’s hefty!

I’m not actually trying to convince anyone to abstain from meat. I’ve made a personal choice based on my conscience. Everyone has to make their own choices, looking to their own consciences. I do think, however, that we humans need to be more mindful about what we eat. We are mindful about our other animal appetites, like sex, and we built spiritual rules around them. I think we need to do the same in regards to the things we eat, don’t you?

Honestly

matthewcook — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:00:25 +0000

Without honesty, you’re dead.

Trust me, I know. I used to lie to everyone. Everyone. It was tough. I would cry myself to sleep. Well, man-cries, at least.

It took a while to find someone I could be honest with. And then I found him – myself. It was a bit of a shock, really. Because I knew me to be a pretty judgmental fellow.

I had been lying to me for years. It was a little scary once I gave myself permission to tell the truth. But, man, it did great things for me.

A weight came off my shoulders. I know it sounds cliche, but I can’t think of any better way of putting it. I was free. Suddenly the future looked brighter. And, better than that, the present looked bright, too.

Then I looked to my right and saw my wife. It turns out she had been standing there the whole time, ready and willing to hear my honesty. So I gave it to her. And she was gentle with it. She touched my honesty as I held it out to her, and smiled at it.

“I’m on a roll,” I thought. I looked around to see who else I could be honest with. I looked up and wondered about God.

I’ve have a very complicated relationship with the divine. I’ll tell you about it one day. But I figured it was about time to get honest with God. I went to find him and let him know how I really felt.

But God was not where I had left him. The lock on the door was smashed, you see. It fell apart the day I started being honest with myself. So my concept of God broke free. And God has been leading me on a merry chase through the universe ever since. And he’s been blowing my mind.

I’m honest with a bunch of people now. It’s nice. It’s freeing. Sometimes it’s dangerous and leads to anger and confusion, but that’s okay. Because most of the time, people look at your honesty and smile. Because I’m free inside and the burden on my back is light. One day I’ll be honest with everyone. One day I’ll be honest with all you wonderful people who read these silly little posts. Not today, but one day.

Are you honest with you?

The Life You Always Wanted

matthewcook — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 11:00:56 +0000

You’ve screwed up. So have I, I guess. That’s the way it goes, sometimes. What are you going to do about it?

Usually we re-live it. We put our minds there and run through the screw-up again and again. So instead of screwing up once, we screw up everyday. The same screw-up. It sucks.

Keep it up and you’ll die full of regrets.

Ever wondered what it would be like to know you were going to die? People talk about the choices they’d make if they found out they had a terminal illness. People say they’d call up old friends and right old wrongs and tell off enemies and live life the way they’d always dreamed of living it. I don’t really get that.

Because I am dying. And so are you. We’ve all been diagnosed with a terminal illness – mortality. No one beats it. 100% casualty rate.

You know what I’d change in my life if I found out I had terminal cancer? Not much. To be honest, I’m already living the way I want to.

I have a family that gives me nothing but joy. I am slowly but surely working toward my creative dreams. I am just about the happiest person I know.

Because I know I’m dying.

So I don’t pay much attention to the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t re-live them. I don’t whine about not having enough time to follow my dreams. Because I don’e have time to whine. I’m dying. And there’s nothing like living like you were dying.

Your Life is a Story

matthewcook — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 11:00:26 +0000

Source: xkcd

Your life is a story.

Is it boring?
Would it make the Reader yawn and want to skip pages just to get to the end?

Is it irrelevant?
Would it make the Reader wonder why he bought the book in the first place?

Is it selfish?
Would it annoy the Reader with its blatant narcissism?

Is it heroic?
Would it make the Reader cheer as you go about your quests for justice?

Is it authentic?
Would it make the Reader look at his own heart to see if he is living an honest life, like you are?

Is it lovely?
Would the Reader smile with joy as he seems the world in the shining light that you see it in?

Is it important?
Would it change the Reader and make his world a better place?

Everyone you meet is a Reader. Do they believe your story?

Beautiful, Wonderful Criticism

matthewcook — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:54:20 +0000

Usually I don’t like getting advice. Mostly because I think I’m already the cat’s meow. I guess most of us are like that.

But when it comes to stuff I write, things are different.

Most of my beta readers have started getting back to me. And every time I find one of their reports in my e-mail or glance at the hardcopy they’re marking up, I get chills of happiness.

Some writers might not feel that way. Some feel slighted when a reader crosses out half their adverbs or doesn’t click with the protagonist or thinks your hero’s name sounds silly.

Those writers are shooting themselves in the foot.

I love criticism in my writing. And you should, too. Here’s why:

It makes you a better writing. We get upset at people correcting us when our pride is higher than our desire to excel at whatever is being corrected. And when it comes to writing, my pride knows its place – in the back, whispering encouraging things when I need it, and shutting up at all other times. I’m willing to sacrifice much to be a better writer.
It makes you a better person. Even outside of writing, it’s important to learn how to deal with and process criticism. Criticism looks at what you’re doing and suggests something different. It’s useful. It’s everywhere. You’ve got to get used to it.
It connects you to your audience. There is not much difference between your beta reader and the eventual people who are going to buy your book. So when a scene connects with them, it’s authentic. And when it doesn’t connect, you still have a chance to change it so it does. They are the beta readers. The prototype readers. Listen to them!
Criticism is encouraging. I would be afraid of getting a manuscript back unmarked. Unmarked, it either means it’s absolute, slobbering genius. Or it’s so bad there is really no place to begin the critical analyses. Guess which one is more likely? Criticism tells you that you’re not there yet. But you’ll get there.
Criticism makes you step outside. Until now your book was hidden away. Now it’s taking its first steps into a scary world. Now you get to see what others thing of your monster, while you still have a chance to shove him back in the lab.

Can You Spell SOPA?

matthewcook — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 11:00:55 +0000

Wikipedia’s down. xkcd, too. Go see if you don’t believe me. A lot of web sites are protesting this bill called SOPA. It’s creating a lot of on-line tension.

Protests like this tend to produce knee-jerk reactions. Have you noticed that? Do you know what SOPA is? Or PIPA? Odds are, you don’t know the ins and outs of it. Most people don’t, unless you count a quick glance through a wikipedia article. But that didn’t stop you from forming an opinion as soon as you saw people protesting about it, did it?

Maybe it did. Maybe you’re one of those rare people who thinks things through and gathers information before you decide to oppose or support something. If you are that kind of person, I thank you. You are saving the world.

But let’s be honest, most of us don’t do that.

When the Occupy Movement was at the height of its power, most folks did not take the time to understand it or its goals. They just rejected it (if they leaned to the right) or fully embraced it (if they leaned to the left).

The same thing happens at most elections. Folks just vote for the party that has the honour of being listed in the ‘good guy’ section of their brains. And they are opposed to politicians and preachers who are in the ‘bad guy’ section.

It’s hard to be informed, though. Most issues are complicated and it takes more than a quick skim through a web site to get an honest grasp on things. No one is obligate to get informed, of course. But I just think that if I can’t be bothered to understand things, I probably don’t really have the right to argue with people about them.

I think SOPA is a bad and dangerous idea that will hurt the Internet. But don’t take my word for it. Read about it yourself. And then take action.

Stuff I Like

matthewcook — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:00:40 +0000

Crunchy snow on a black night
Bollywood music
A book that makes me care
Honest, open, vulnerable conversations about spiritual things
Dressing funny
Mill St. Organic Lager
Anything Joss Whedon makes
Colouring books
Pad Thai
My son’s passion
Puzzles
Solving a difficult problem on my own
The sun
Singing in the car
Role-playing games
Avocado and tomato sandwiches with a slice of havarti
Dreams
My daughter’s stories
Large-scale battles with cardboard weapons
Flow
Khan Academy
New ideas that would change the world if only we weren’t so scared to try them
Everything Jesus said
Churches with large sanctuaries
Staying up all night laughing with people I love
My wife’s empowerment
My itty-bitty notebook
A good BM
Sencha fuka-midori
Change
Witty remarks
You

What do you like?

Subway Evangelists

matthewcook — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:50:53 +0000

     A Muslim evangelist approached me while I was waiting for my subway today. He handed me a book and tried to get me interested in his religion. I told him I had lived in Pakistan and he thought that was pretty cool. He told me that Pakistan, in his opinion, was not a good example of a Muslim country.
     “Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “They have great family values there, unlike here in Canada.”
     “Okay.”
     “But the problem is all the Hindus.”
     “Oh. Wait, what?”
     “And Afghanistan used to be a good Muslim country, until the Americans removed the Taliban.”
     “Huh?”
     “Now only Saudi Arabia is any good.”
     “…”

My train came and I made my getaway. I flipped through the book he gave me. It was about how capital punishment is merciful and condoms deny women the honour of motherhood.

I threw it out at the next stop.

Getting on the bus, I started reading Tina Fey’s Bossypants. She talked about a high school health teacher she once had who spent a day educating the class on how to recognize and avoid homosexuals. Because they are ruining the world, of course.

It’s the Hindus’ fault.
It’s the gays’ fault.
Blah blah blah.

I remember giving myself a tour of my son’s elementary school. I saw a poster on the ground, obviously torn off the wall and defaced. It had named the school a safe zone for people of all races, religions and sexual orientations. I guess some people don’t like the idea of making the world safe for people who walk different paths.

It’s all so silly, though, isn’t it?

Every group claims they want to see peace on earth and goodwill toward men. But only on their terms. Peace, so long as you become us instead of them. Peace, so long as you stop being so gorram different.

I used to think that the only way to peace was if everyone in the world stopped being whatever they were, and became more like me. My religion. My sexuality. My philosophies of government and economy. It was straight, Christian, conservative, capitalism or bust. And I spent many, many hours trying to get people to switch sides.

But what if we put these labels aside and recognized each other as fellow humans, first? Instead of blaming the Hindus or homosexuals for whatever problems we see, what if we just shut up and gave peace a chance? What if we all just got along?

Cliche? Simplistic? Maybe. But I heard a clever guy once say that we should, so far as it depends on us, be at peace with everyone. So I’m not going to blame out social ills on this religion or that lifestyle. Instead, I figure I’m going to be the change I want to see, open my arms in fellowship to everyone, and be at peace with all people.

Blaming other groups is easy and cathartic. But it does little more than generate more hate and animosity. And we have enough of that in the world, already.